A new self-help book, “How to Be OK (When You’re Supposed to Be OK But You’re Not),” is shedding light on the often-ignored mental health challenges faced by men, offering insights and advice tailored to their experiences. The book addresses the unique ways men grapple with mental health issues and addiction, aiming to provide support in a language they understand.
The Silent Struggle: Understanding Men’s Mental Health
While mental health affects both men and women, the way it manifests and the barriers to seeking help often differ significantly for men. Societal expectations, traditional gender roles, and the stigma surrounding vulnerability contribute to a crisis where many men suffer in silence.
Statistics Paint a Stark Picture
- Prevalence: Over a third of men (35%) believe they’ve experienced a diagnosable mental health condition at some point.
- Lack of Communication: A significant 40% of men have never spoken to anyone about their mental health.
- Suicide Rates: Men account for a staggering three-quarters of registered suicide deaths in the UK. In the United States, men die by suicide at a rate four times higher than women. Older white men are particularly at risk.
- Co-occurring Disorders: Men are two to three times more likely to misuse drugs than women.
- Under-treatment: Less than half of men experiencing depression or anxiety receive treatment.
The Mask of Masculinity: Societal Pressures and Stigma
Traditional masculine ideals often discourage men from expressing emotions, seeking help, or admitting vulnerability. This can lead to:
- Reluctance to Seek Help: Men are less likely than women to seek treatment for mental health issues, substance abuse, and stressful life events due to social norms and a reluctance to talk.
- Suppression of Emotions: Men may suppress strong emotions rather than addressing them, hindering proactive solutions.
- Fear of Judgment: Admitting mental health struggles can be perceived as weakness, failure, or inadequacy.
- Internalization: Overlooking men who internalize their feelings reinforces the notion that men are more likely to externalize.
Unmasking the Issues: Common Mental Health Challenges in Men
Men experience a range of mental health challenges, often triggered by specific factors:
Work-Related Stress
Workplace pressures are a major contributor to mental health issues in men. This includes:
- High Workload: Working in poor conditions or having a high workload increases the risk of mental health issues.
- Unemployment and Retirement: These can also increase the risk of depression and suicide.
- Financial Pressures: Financial stress is a significant cause of pressure in men’s lives.
Relationship Problems
Relationship issues, such as separation, divorce, and other problems, can trigger mental ill-health in men.
Substance Abuse
Men are more likely to engage in illicit drug use and alcohol use, which can trigger or exacerbate mental health conditions. Approximately 1 in 5 men will experience an alcohol use disorder in their lifetime.
Trauma
Traumatic events, such as combat or assault, increase the risk of experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Other Life Challenges
- Physical Illness: Physical illness or discomfort can contribute to mental health problems.
- Social Isolation: Isolation can exacerbate mental health issues.
- Significant Life Changes: Major life changes can be triggers for mental health challenges.
- Family History: A family history of mental health issues can increase the risk.
“How to Be OK”: A New Approach to Men’s Mental Health
Mark Gogolewski’s “How to Be OK (When You’re Supposed to Be OK But You’re Not)” aims to address the mental health crisis in men by:
- Speaking to Men Directly: The book uses language and perspectives that resonate with men, acknowledging their unique experiences and challenges.
- Challenging Traditional Therapy: Gogolewski shares his experiences trying various approaches, including alternative methods, to overcome addiction, recognizing that traditional therapy and 12-step programs may not work for everyone.
- Reshaping the Definition of “Addict”: The book aims to redefine the term “addict” and provide insights on overcoming addiction and mental health crises.
- Embracing Masculinity: Rather than criticizing masculinity, the book tackles it head-on, offering advice that aligns with men’s understanding of themselves.
- Highlighting the Importance of Understanding Therapists: “How to Be OK” explores the common struggles men face and offers helpful advice, such as finding a therapist who understands their particular needs.
Finding Solutions: Breaking Down Barriers and Seeking Help
Addressing the mental health crisis in men requires breaking down barriers and promoting help-seeking behaviors.
Challenging Societal Norms
- Promoting Open Communication: Encouraging men to talk about their emotions and seek support without fear of judgment.
- Redefining Masculinity: Promoting a more inclusive definition of masculinity that embraces vulnerability and emotional expression.
- Challenging Insensitive Language: Eliminating expressions like “man up” that trivialize emotional responses.
Accessing Support and Treatment
- Finding the Right Therapist: Seeking a therapist who understands the specific needs and experiences of men.
- Exploring Alternative Therapies: Considering alternative approaches to therapy that may resonate more with men.
- Utilizing Crisis Support: Knowing and utilizing crisis support options when needed.
Resources and Support Systems
Many organizations offer resources and support for men’s mental health:
- Mental Health America: Provides information, resources, and support for mental health.
- The Priory Group: Conducts research and provides mental health services.
- Beyond Blue: Offers information and support for men’s mental health in Australia.
Books for Men’s Mental Health
- Maybe You Should Talk To Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives by Lori Gottlieb: Therapist Lori Gottleib lands in therapy herself after a trauma. She finds that her patients’ troubles overlap with her own more than expected and outlines paths forward.
- The Way of Men by Jack Donovan: Innovative exploration of perceptions of masculinity.
- Mans search for meaning by Viktor Frankl
- Feeling good, the new mood therapy by David Burns
- Dont sweat the small stuff by Richard Carlson
- To Be a Man: A Guide to True Masculine Power
- Kagami: The Art of Listening, by Garnett Strother
- The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest Lives by Lewis Howes
- Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity
- The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden: Gives principles and sentence prompts that help you discover for yourself what your weaknesses are, what your goals are, and what you really value.
- Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
By addressing the unique challenges men face and promoting open communication, we can begin to break down the stigma surrounding mental health and create a more supportive environment for men to seek help and thrive.
